Russian scientists have been ordered to hand over details of their latest research into anti-ageing remedies in a suspected bid to keep alive Vladimir Putin and his circle of Kremlin cronies.
According to one source, the proclamation came from the ‘biggest boss’ and led to officials scrambling to fulfil the 71-year-old dictator’s supposed instructions.
Putin has long had an interest in anti-ageing but there now appears a new urgency to seek ‘active longevity.’
Independent news sources Meduza and Sistema obtained a letter from his health ministry dated June that demanded the most recent advancements in reversing the biological clock.
According to the reports, renowned medical researchers are surprised by it.
A source said: ‘The biggest boss set a task, and officials rushed to implement it in every possible way.’
An informant revealed: ‘We were asked to urgently send all our developments, and the letter came, let’s say today, and everything had to be sent yesterday.
‘To be honest, this is the first time in my life that I have ever encountered such a thing—usually, any national project or FTP [Federal Target Program] is preceded by a series of meetings with the participation of various specialists, some kind of public discussion,’ explained a doctor from a national medical research centre.
Experts were told to submit ‘development proposals’ to reduce cell deterioration, said the report.
They were directed to emphasise novel technologies that prevent cognitive and sensory impairment, immune system correction techniques, and novel bio-printed medical technology.
The Russian dictator currently has the legal authority to stay in office until 2036 after an extension was voted through in 2020, which means he would remain in power until he is well into his 80s.
Putin is famously surrounded by a ring of ageing cronies such as Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov, 74, FSB security service chief Alexander Bortnikov, 72, senior advisor Nikolai Patrushev, 73, SVR spy chief Sergey Naryshkin, 70 next month, and speaker of the Russian senate, Valentina Matviyenko, 75.
‘We received this paper, and frankly, I was shocked,’ said another indignant source.
‘The message itself puzzled me.
‘Well, of course, now we have no one to restore except these old stumps [elderly Russian politicians].
‘That is, right now [during the war], we have to drop everything.
‘This cynicism is even perplexing.’
A source close to the Kremlin said: ‘All the modern research discussed in the national project is quite expensive—it requires a lot of money and expenses.
‘Developing new drugs costs billions, not a single national project can handle that, especially now.’
Some see the hand of close Putin ally, Mikhail Kovalchuk, 77, head of the Kurchatov Institute, Russia’s leading nuclear institute, as being behind the initiative.
Though the media has been saying that Vladimir Putin doesn’t have much time left, he continues to survive despite everything thrown at him and is another international leader who gets away with doing as he pleases.
In addition to being disliked, he has embarrassed Russia and placed it on the worldwide defensive.
However, I see, as many others probably will, a high window and a long drop to his future, and I’m sure there will be many scientists out there thinking of a way to get rid of him.
I never know if the Russians are thick or smart because they’re great with technology and space exploration and bomb-making, et cetera, but then they, meaning Vladimir Putin, go on like a bunch of Neanderthals, but then we are all a delusional race, trying to extend our lives on this miserable planet.
THE MONTHLY MOSQUITO 