It started as a joke, but after a fiery ministerial grilling on Good Morning Britain, someone on Twitter suggested that Piers Morgan would make a good Prime Minister – the jury might still be out on that one, but the tagline ‘PM for PM’ has a good ring to it; however, that doesn’t mean he would make a good Prime Minister.
The following morning, the entire front page of the Daily Star newspaper was embellished with that slogan, prompting bookies to slash odds on Piers Morgan becoming the leader of this country from 500-1 to 20-1.
What started as a bit of fun has now become a serious bandwagon, with more and more people clamouring for Piers to take over the reins at No 10 and restore some sort of order to our embattled country.
He said that the campaign got him thinking that if he ever did throw his hat into the political arena and made it to the highest office in the land, what would he do?
Well, he might not be the worst Prime Minister. Surely he’s got to do a bit better than all the other PMs. So, what would he do differently?
As I read through his manifesto, I thought to myself, ‘He’s not bad at all.’ And then as I got further down, it just became all so absurd.
He is right, though, Britain is in turmoil, and it does need mending, but not with a needle and cotton – great big rolls of gaffer tape.
Piers, you are never going to repair what others have done to the country. You can blame COVID all you like, but this country was broken way before the COVID outbreak, and now it has to be repaired, which is never going to happen overnight; it will take years and years of tender loving care – it’s like recovery after having surgery, and Rome wasn’t built in a day.
What we actually need to do is make sure that things don’t get any worse.
It would be fine getting rid of some of the cabinet, but you have to make sure they are better than the ones before. I love the idea of Marcus Rashford being Education Secretary. He would be a person who would be doing it because he wants to and not because of the money, and on that note, make all your cabinet take a pay cut, including yourself, because then that shows the public goodwill on your part, and when I say a cut, I mean half.
I also like the idea of Dr Hilary Jones becoming Health Secretary. I’m not so sure he would want the responsibility that comes with the job, but at least he would have more smarts when overseeing the nation’s health care.
Also, everything that your cabinet does should go through the Prime Minister first and then King Charles. I know they are just the monarchy, but they should be given more responsibility. The House of Lords needs to be abolished because all they do is sit around napping most of the day, so there is actually no need for them to be there.
Cabinet to voice their opinions is fine as long as the final solution is down to the Prime Minister, then we only have one person to blame… You!
Not looking such a cushy position now, is it?
Cabinet ministers should not be permitted to speak on TV. It’s not a media circus; otherwise, we would have acrobats and trapeze artists instead of ministers. I guess we could always put them in a frilly frock and a red nose.
Twitter, Facebook and any social media platform should be closed down permanently, then there would not be any trolling of any kind.
Anybody who does not work in the Royal Family should be stripped of their royal titles. If you’re not in it, you don’t win it.
And then there is false advertising: ‘ Red Bull ‘gives you wings.’ I’ve never seen anybody with a Red Bull in their hand flying about – false advertising.
Sport is sport, whether you are transgender or not. If they want to compete, then they should be allowed to compete. The only reason people keep going on about it is because people are ignorant of what they don’t know – including you, Piers Morgan. You say that you’re not, but the fact that you even had to mention it makes you so.
Tackle the shocking obesity crisis – are you having a laugh? Give children a proper school meal – you know, meat and two veg every day, and they might not be so ravenous when they leave school and rush to the corner shop to stuff their faces. Oh, and bring back proper dinner ladies who cared about the children they were feeding.
And this is where you got truly ridiculous – ditch the Video Assistant Referee from football. How on earth is that going to benefit our country?
Climate change is inevitable; it’s going to happen whether we like it or not. Our sun will burn out in 5 billion or so years, by then nobody is going to give a flying …
Making Greta Thunberg the Environmental Secretary isn’t going to make one bit of difference unless she’s going to get on her flying saucer and fly to the sun to make it further away.
Whatever pandemic we have next, people will still die, but life will go on, well, for about 5 billion years or so.
Piers said that in his first budget, he would double the pay of every single person presently working in the NHS, but he fails to say where he will get the money from.
This was the most ridiculous one. He will ban joggers from all high streets. I’m not sure how this will help Britain. What is it? You don’t like them – every other person wears them. What Piers should have said is ban every head covering so we can see a person’s face so that Artificial Intelligence can see them and if they are getting up to any skulduggery.
I could go on and on, but it became so ludicrous that I wouldn’t want to bore the populace with it all.
THE MONTHLY MOSQUITO 