As a disabled person myself, I no longer go on dates because I just know what I will ultimately get asked, and not only do I get asked, men are so blunt about it when they do ask, and this is the most common question asked.
My stomach used to roll because I knew that I would be asked the one question I did not want to answer. ‘Can you still perform sex?’ It’s not actually a question you want to answer or be asked on a first date.
Dating is difficult for disabled people. You always feel that you are prepared for that dreaded question, but ultimately, you never are, and I feel that people have extremely negative feelings about disabled people. I am also Asexual, which makes matters worse.
Some men will ask you the question halfway through the evening, which then makes things extremely uncomfortable for the rest of the evening, and to be honest, men who ask this sort of question, in my view, have crossed the line, but typically, I never see them again.
Quite frankly, it can be extremely frustrating and sometimes upsetting, although over the years I have learnt to have extremely thick skin.
People have implied that the problem is me, but I know that it’s not. There is so much stigma around disabled people, and that should not be the case.
Having a disability should not matter, but it does. I no longer ignore people who make comments or smile through it; I just tell them what I think of them.
When I first became disabled, I realised that there were differences between me and others. I have been told to smile, ‘It will get better.’ Like my disability didn’t matter, but it does matter, it matters to me.
When it comes to dating, you realise that your experiences may be slightly different, but not that different, or how you perceive them to be, and there is not much advice on how to navigate romance, and when dating for the first time, being disabled, you feel alive with possibility, and then it all goes downhill from there.
I have given up dating now, but I do get fed up with people saying, ‘You just haven’t met the right person yet, someone will come along when you least expect it.’
I have learnt to love and respect my disability over the years, but it is disappointing when people make childish remarks. I now realise that it’s not my duty to accept people or enlighten them.
THE MONTHLY MOSQUITO 