Top Tory Urges Couples Not To Have Coitus Outside

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A Tory minister has urged millions of people not to have sex outside, despite a prohibition on indoor liaisons with people from different homes.

Simon Clarke said that they were not encouraging people to circumvent the law by making love in the great outdoors.

But this unusual request came following new coronavirus lockdown rules that explicitly banned groups of two or more people indoors in England.

Exceptions to the rules, were people from the same home, work or funerals. There was no allowance for pleasure, suggesting people from different households were infringing the law if they have coitus indoors.

By the same measure, the new law doesn’t explicitly forbid coitus outside, and groups of up to six people are permitted under the law in an accessible space or garden, and people from a separate household must stay two metres apart for their protection and the safety of the rest of society.

That doesn’t mean you should go for an open-air fling though, and it’s not only about the two-metre rule, there are also other laws against abusing public propriety which could lead to people being detained, and Housing Minister Mr Clarke urged couples living apart not to chance it.

And when questioned if coitus was illegal indoors but legal outdoors, as long as it didn’t breach public propriety, he told LBC that it was fair to say that the transmission risk of coronavirus in the open air was much lower than in interior spaces.

But he continued that they were not encouraging people to be doing anything like that outside at this time, or any other, so he’s just imposed a bonking ban on the country.

However, Mr Clarke said that they want people to be with the people they love as quickly as possible and that they’ve relaxed the arrangements so they can be part of a group of up to six people now meeting outside in a socially distanced fashion and that they needed to give people as much normalcy as they possibly could as swiftly as they can.

But that people have to realise that there is still a real danger and that there’s still a pandemic going on and that the measures they’re putting in place prevent people spending time away from their homes overnight which are meant to keep people protected – tell that to Dominic Cummings.

This new law relaxes some of the constraints on people’s freedom in England which took force on March 26, when lockdown started. However, the way the law was worded meant indoor groups of two or more people were explicitly forbidden for the first time.

The law defines a gathering as when two or more people are present together in the same place, to engage in any kind of social interplay with each other or to engage in any other pursuit with each other.

People are also forbidden from staying overnight away from where they live.

Before, people were forbidden from leaving their home or meeting outside. That meant someone was violating the law if they visited another home for coitus, but not if they had a guest in their own home, but Tory MP Tobias Ellwood told ITV he didn’t know the circumstances but the policy appeared to be ridiculous and that it was absurd.

Technically the law says people can be fined £100, increasing on each repeat offence up to £3,200, but Downing Street suggested couples meeting indoors for sex, while breaching lockdown rules, that are there for people’s protection, are unlikely to be penalised.

No 10 said police don’t have the capabilities of storming into anyone’s home except if they also suspect grave illegal activity is taking place, and Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s spokesperson added that they will be applying common sense and engaging with the public and only issuing fixed penalty notices when they believe it’s the last option.

Asked if the police would also have the ability to break up small, private gatherings of two people, including storming into bedrooms, the spokesperson said that the police don’t have the capabilities to enter people’s homes under the regulations.

Having coitus outside could risk that twosome having a burnished backside, and I hope many Tory’s understand that as well because sex outside for them is also restricted, and they’d better watch out when they go into the woods, they might be in for a big surprise!

Published by Angela Lloyd

My vision on life is pretty broad, therefore I like to address specific subjects that intrigue me. Therefore I really appreciate the world of politics, though I have no actual views on who I will vote for, that I will not tell you, so please do not ask! I am like an observation station when it comes to writing, and I simply take the news and make it my own. I have no expectations, I simply love to write, and I know this seems really odd, but I don't get paid for it, I really like what I do and since I am never under any pressure, I constantly find that I write much better, rather than being blanketed under masses of paperwork and articles that I am on a deadline to complete. The chances are, that whilst all other journalists are out there, ripping their hair out, attempting to get their articles completed, I'm simply rambling along at my convenience creating my perfect piece. I guess it must look pretty unpleasant to some of you that I work for nothing, perhaps even brutal. Perhaps I have an obvious disregard for authority, I have no idea, but I would sooner be working for myself, than under somebody else, excuse the pun! Small I maybe, but substantial I will become, eventually. My desk is the most chaotic mess, though surprisingly I know where everything is, and I think that I would be quite unsuited for a desk job. My views on matters vary and I am extremely open-minded to the stuff that I write about, but what I write about is the truth and getting it out there, because the people must be acquainted. Though I am quite entertained by what goes on in the world. My spotlight is mostly to do with politics, though I do write other material as well, but it's essentially politics that I am involved in, and I tend to concentrate my attention on that, however, information is essential. If you have information the possibilities are endless because you are only limited by your own imagination...

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