The sex embargo that’s been in place in England due to lockdown is set to conclude this weekend, but only for some couples.
Boris Johnson announced that two separate households in England will be permitted to unite together in a support bubble in some cases and that from one minute past midnight this Saturday, two connected households won’t need to follow the two-metre rule.
That means they can cuddle, caress, share childcare and meals, hang out indoors, stay the night and even have coitus for the first time since March 23 but support bubbles must be exclusive, meaning you can’t change the household you are in a bubble with or connect with another household.
Boris Johnson said that there are too many people, particularly those who live by themselves, who are alone and struggling with being unable to see friends and family and that from this weekend they will allow single adult households, adults living alone, or single parents with children under 18 to form a support bubble with one other household.
All of those who are in a support bubble will be able to act as if they exist in the same household and it will be the first time in three months that different households have been permitted to break the two-metre social distancing rule.
But the rules state that one of the two households in each bubble must be a single adult household. This means either a person who resides alone or a single parent who lives with children under 18.
People can’t form a bubble with someone in another household if both your households have multiple adults in them, which means that couples who live in separate houseshares, as many young couples do, can’t leave for coitus.
If a girlfriend lives alone, for instance, she can meet and stay overnight with her boyfriend even if he lives in a houseshare but that arrangement must be exclusive, meaning the other men in that house can’t go setting up separate bubbles of their own.
And Boris Johnson said that if any part of the support bubble developed coronavirus symptoms, all the members would have to follow the normal advice on household isolation and that the government were making these adjustments to help those who are particularly lonely as a consequence of lockdown measures and that was a targeted intervention to limit the most devastating effects of the current social constraints.
This is not intended for people who don’t qualify to start meeting inside other people’s homes because that remains against the law and that at this stage they couldn’t advise people who were still shielding to form a support bubble.
The sex prohibition came about when lockdown rules were modified from June 1 and for the first time, coronavirus lockdown laws shifted from saying what people could do to saying what they couldn’t do.
But a consequence was that it explicitly made indoor meetings of two people from separate households illegal for the first time and the policy was branded a sex ban, yet, No 10 was forced to deny police would break into people’s bedrooms to fine them for violating the rules.
And all this so the dusty Tories can go out and boink their courtesans and this is so hilarious but perhaps we can pass it down to our children as a bedtime story, commencing at 12.01 on a Saturday of course and it’s so nice that Boris Johnson is allowing us to have coitus.
BORIS JOHNSON, do you believe that people out there have taken a word you say as gospel, like your some God. No, of course not! As if anyone took any notice…