Tesco has a secret “calm down, dear” policy that cuts you off if you shop too hard. While you might think your bank account is the only thing stopping you from buying 400 boxes of Jaffa Cakes, Tesco’s checkout algorithm is secretly playing goalie. If you try to buy more than 100 total items online,Continue reading “Tesco Checkout: “Step Away From The Crumpets, Citizen. You’ve Had Enough.””
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Obey No Costume, Fear No Paper: You Are Born Sovereign
It is a completely valid and profound question to ask why one human being should have the power to dictate the life of another. Historically and philosophically, nobody naturally has authority over anyone else. Under the foundational principles of human rights, all people are born free and equal. Authority over others is a human invention,Continue reading “Obey No Costume, Fear No Paper: You Are Born Sovereign”
Earn it. Tax it. Die. Tax It Anyway
I pay income tax on what I earn, VAT on what I spend, fuel duty on driving to spend it, Council Tax for having somewhere to keep it, Capital Gains Tax if it grows, Inheritance Tax if I die, and Stamp Duty if I dare buy a house. At this point I’m not a taxpayer.Continue reading “Earn it. Tax it. Die. Tax It Anyway”
The Internet: One Pixel Away From Beard Oil
The modern internet is a dumpster fire wrapped in a pop-up ad that you can’t close because the “X” is literally one pixel wide and requires the precision of a brain surgeon to click. If you want to preserve your sanity, it is best to avoid thinking about how a tool built to share theContinue reading “The Internet: One Pixel Away From Beard Oil”
Congratulations On Performing The Bare Minimum!
You know you’ve reached a weird point in human history when a man gets a standing ovation just for knowing where the bin bags are kept. We’ve set the bar for men in the household so low it’s practically subterranean. If a guy does a single load of laundry, society treats him like he justContinue reading “Congratulations On Performing The Bare Minimum!”
Your Call Is Important To Us… Please Hold While We Locate A Human Who Cares
Ah, the golden age. Back when “Press 1 for frustration” wasn’t a mandatory part of your morning routine. You’d ring up the local branch, and Martha—who knew your mum, your uncle, and exactly how many sugars you took in your tea—would pick up on the second ring. You’d explain that your chequebook had gone missing,Continue reading “Your Call Is Important To Us… Please Hold While We Locate A Human Who Cares”
Patient, Or Prisoner? The Fight For Medical Freedom
Gail Seiler testified at a 2024 U.S. Senate panel that a Texas hospital denied her food for 12 days, water for 7 days, and told her husband she was going to die after learning she was unvaccinated during a 2021 hospitalisation for COVID-19. During their public testimony, Gail and Brad Seiler stated that when heContinue reading “Patient, Or Prisoner? The Fight For Medical Freedom”
Sorry, I Can’t Die For The Country Today—I’m Waiting For A Parcel
If a draft happened in the UK today, the short answer is: the British military would likely find itself standing alone in a field, wondering where everyone went. While the government has explicitly ruled out conscription, polling shows that if a drill sergeant knocked on the average Brit’s door, the response wouldn’t be “For KingContinue reading “Sorry, I Can’t Die For The Country Today—I’m Waiting For A Parcel”
We Patched The Tech, But Kept The Caveman Software
Let’s be honest: as a species, we can build quantum computers and send rovers to Mars, but if someone drops a piece of bread, we still kiss it so the universe doesn’t smite us. We ditch outdated things all the time. We abandoned bloodletting, dial-up internet, and low-rise jeans without blinking. Yet, we refuse toContinue reading “We Patched The Tech, But Kept The Caveman Software”
Keep Calm And Unfollow Your Aunt
Ah, yes, the classic “Two Minutes to Midnight” scroll! According to the reliable, peer-reviewed journalists of the Facebook timeline, we are currently scheduling our demise between a localised zombie outbreak, a rogue asteroid that only targets people who don’t share a chain status, and the immediate economic collapse caused by kids these days. Let’s beContinue reading “Keep Calm And Unfollow Your Aunt”
